What is the secret to a dream marriage and is it even possible in today’s society? Well during my ride with a 70-year-old Uber driver he tells me the answer is yes. He even shared the secret marriage advice with me in two simple words.
Many people question if it’s possible to have a dream marriage. If you talk to married people they often describe marriage as a lot of hard work. Some try to describe it with positive characteristics like “it has its benefits”. Others say “if you want to have kids, definitely do it.” Wow, what a sales pitch. Don’t those words make you just want to find a life partner and get married today? Umm #not. These people must not have the dream marriage that is out there somewhere, right?
Well according to my 70-year-old Uber driver, a dream marriage definitely exists and he has it. A dream marriage is when you are in a relationship that makes you happy long term. We are not talking about when you first meet them and you have butterflies in your stomach and everything is exciting because it’s new. A dream marriage is exciting 40 years from now. It’s a person who’s opinion you value. A person that you love spending time with. It is that one person that you can’t imagine life without.
But in 2016 with all the divorces, depression, short attention spans, and options, are people even looking for long-lasting relationships? Do they want more than just hook-ups? And how does one create and keep a dream marriage anyways? Do Enter my Uber driver…
courtesy of browninggeriatric.com
So I’m at the airport waiting to go home when my 70-year-old Armenian Uber driver arrives. He has a big smile and a great attitude so I’m curious, I wonder why he decided to become an Uber driver.
Retirement is Boring
Those were first words he uttered out of his mouth. He said the first thing you notice when you retire is that everyone else is still working and have something to do. And at first, you enjoy just relaxing and doing nothing but very soon you get bored. After getting bored he said he began to notice he was getting on his wife’s nerves. If your wife is used to being at home and she’s used to you being out working, soon you will just be in the way. I could tell that he really enjoyed his wife’s company and seemed to be in a happy marriage, but he did not want to be at home in her way all day.
In an attempt to keep sanity in the home, he decided to become an Uber driver. He said that Uber provided him the flexibility to work whenever he wanted to. Plus he is able to get out of the house and meet new people like me. There was even an added bonus of having some extra money that he could use to buy his wife gifts. We’ve all heard the saying happy wife happy life.
1 to 2 months driving for Uber can buy her this
Buy the wife a gift with the extra Uber cash
As I sat in the backseat of the car listening to my Uber driver tell stories about his wife, kids, work, and life, I started wondering what nuggets of wisdom I could absorb. Since he already mentioned that he has been married for over 40 years and I noticed that there was excitement in his voice when he talked about his wife, I decided to ask a question.
“You’ve being married a long time and still seem happy, What’s the secret to a dream marriage?”
He just laughed at first, but then I repeated the question my but then I repeated the question because I could not miss this marriage advice opportunity. “No really, I want to know, what’s the secret to a dream marriage?” He looked at me through the rearview mirror and uttered marriage advice in just two words…
Wow, I thought to myself. I could feel the wisdom behind the two words he used… Just Relax. He said it with such conviction and authority. Marriage advice does not always have to be so complex, it can be as simple as these two words which were the foundation of my Uber driver’s dream marriage.
When I think about marriage, I think of all the stories people tell you about their relationships that did not work. You hear the divorce stories or the what not to do because I did it stories. And I do believe there is a place to for that, you know, learning from the mistakes of others so you don’t have to experience them yourself. However, there is something special about taking marriage advice from someone who is really happy in their relationship. And I’m not talking about the I just met you and it’s new and exciting type of happy. I’m talking about the been through it for over 40 years type of happy. The good, the bad…the ups and the downs….the happy and the sad.
My Uber driver was telling me the marriage advice of a man that has gone through some seasons of marriage. Not season but seasons. When you can hear the excitement in a husband’s voice as he talks about his wife and about marriage and he has seasons on his side, you have to listen. Well, if you are smart you will. I’m smart, so I definitely needed to know more about the two words he shared.
Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. How can you utilize “Just Relax” to have your own dream marriage? My Uber driver said the reason it is so important to relax is because people make big deals out of everything. When you live with someone and see them every day, it is very easy to focus on things that are not important that bother you. We are all different and want things done our own way. Even siblings that have lived apart for over 10 years still fight over the same things that bothered them when they were kids.
The only way to avoid this is to stop taking everything so seriously and just relax. He said if your wife makes you happy, which his does, it is not about getting his point across all the time. He does not have to prove that he is right nor that she is wrong. The only thing that matters is that both parties are happy. So if you need to take one for the team, do it. At the end of the day what does holding your tongue cost you, a little pride? But if you say something to your wife about a topic that is really not that important to you and it upsets her, what does that cost you? It could literally cost you years of misery.
I’m going to start calling it the Just Relax Theory. So when you use the Just Relax Theory, you prevent the little things from stacking up against your marriage. My Uber driver explained that most relationships fail over little things that become big things. Most people say the problem is communication and that is a big part of it. But if one party is emotional in the conversation, it does not matter how nice you try to express your opposing point of view. If the emotional person cares more about the subject than you do, your logic or attempt at good communication is on deaf ears. In fact, you may be causing resentment because this is just another thing you have to disagree with them on.
Instead, he says “Just Relax”. When his wife has a problem and it does not seem rational, he doesn’t start a fight. Even if she verbally attacks him, he just says to his wife ” You are right, I’m sorry”. It does not matter if he really feels that his wife is wrong. What matters is making his wife feel better so they can focus on enjoying each others company. Most of the time these little arguments are about things that have very little impact your life either way. So it doesn’t really matter which decision you choose, what matters is that the relationship stays healthy and strong.
Good Relationship Start with a Decision to be Happy
With that said, my Uber driver said that he has a good wife. She always apologizes later once she realizes she was wrong or that she overreacted. I got excited about this part because I think people need to admit when they are wrong. If you marry someone that can self-reflect and apologize, half the battle is done, right? But he did not focus on this part at all. What did he focus on instead? He focused on himself and the things he could do to keep the marriage happy. His marriage advice is to focus on yourself. We are able to make decisions regarding if we are going to be happy. If being happy and having a dream marriage is really important to you, you will take a deep breath and relax.
Think about if the words you are about to say to the love of your life. Do they really makes a difference? Will it help them in a significant way? Do they really need this because not doing it is detrimental to their life and even to the marriage? If the answer is not yes, then you may be communicating selfishly. Like when people say “I needed to get this off my chest”. If getting it off your chest does not provide real value and is damaging to your relationship, why do it? Maybe you need to find a good same-sex friend to vent to. This way you are able to get it off your chest and have a good relationship with your spouse.
Just Relax is not about being fake, condescending, or even taking the high ground. It’s about making a decision to not care about the little things. The big goal is to have a dream marriage. A dream marriage involves two happy people. When you take a just relax attitude, you are showing how much you care for the other person. You care so much, that you don’t need to say I told you so. So much that it does not matter if their decision costs you an extra five minutes of drive time. You care so much that you can just get the dish you want for dinner another time.
Can this be hard? Absolutely. But my Uber driver says if your spouse makes you happy, then it is worth it. He said if you are in a relationship with someone that does not make you happy, then you should get a divorce because life is too short. People give up so easy these days, he said. The first set of problems, they are ready to get a divorce. Every marriage has problems and tough times but if you desire to get through them with this person you can do it.
The goal is to have a dream marriage. If we chose to stay married or get married in the first place, we might as well have a dream marriage. My Uber driver shared his 40 years of wisdom with just two words you can use as marriage advice – Just Relax. This means that the happiness of the two people in the relationship is more important than either individual. We have to hold our tongues and stop making big deals out of everything. A trick could be to hold your opposing opinion for 2 days before sharing it with your spouse. If you still feel it needs to be said, go ahead. But if it doesn’t matter anymore to you, it was probably good that you never said.
If you follow this marriage advice you can be on your way to having your own dream marriage and be the exception and not the rule.
Sign up for our mailing list to get more tips like this to get and keep happy relationships. If you liked this, please share with someone that could use the insight.